As a professional and lifestyle Dominatrix I have spoken to over 5000 men over the course of My domination career.

Each and every one searching for that specific vision of power interplay which resonates within the deeper portions of his libido and heart.

Myself and my professional sisters, turn away scores of these yearning submissives each day, because they misunderstand the very basic concepts of telephone etiquette and session protocol.

In light of this I thought it best to pen out a general outline of do’s and don’ts both for the uncertain novice and the unsuccessful seasoned player who desire to have their play with a professional Dominatrix be as successful and satisfying as possible.

DO study the ad. Check out if she mentions her specialties and if they are compatible with your interests. Vocabulary that the ad might include:

D/S: dominance/submission

Fetish: plays with objects of desire

S/M: sadomasochism

CP: corporal punishment

Domestic discipline

Bastinado

Light bondage

Cross dressing

If you don’t understand something, ask.

DO be clear about why you are calling. Generally it should be for information or to schedule a session. Know what questions are important to have answered.

DO be extremely polite. This is especially important as you do not want to offend a person who you are later going to trust with your well-being. Moreover good manners make a slave much more appealing for the Mistress.

DON’T call for free phone sex. This may be terribly tantalizing for you but recognize that these women are professionals and respect their time and energy. On top of which, most women can tell (by your breathing and the types of questions you are asking) what you are doing on your end

and it is not a smart thing to be doing.

DON’T expect her to be in role during your initial communication. This is a time to negotiate about what you will do in the future. Consensual s/m means that you talk about your common interests and limits before you ever get to the playroom.

DO follow her lead. She has a lot more experience negotiating on the phone and will generally lead you through a set of questions and give you a specific set of information. Respect her routine.

DO answer her questions to the best of your ability. She may ask questions which might not seem relevant to you. For instance, she may ask about which Mistresses you have seen in the past (this will tell the worldly Dominant about the types of Mistress you gravitate toward). Do not see this as an invasion of privacy but rather as a way for her to understand you better. The better she understands you, the better quality of session you will have.

DO ask questions that are relevant to your meeting. Questions might include: how she likes to addressed, how experienced she is, what her specialties are, what types of equipment she has, if she is independent or part of an established dungeon, in what vicinity she is located (generally Mistresses will not give their exact address on the the first call), how long she likes her sessions to last, and what her donation or tribute is.

DO respect her limits. Yes, tops have limits too. These limits might include no direct sexual contact, no water sports, no nudity, no anal play, and or no body worship. Believe her when she sets down her limits and respect them.

DO communicate openly and honestly about your desires. This shadowland of the libido is one of the few places where you might have the chance to play out some of your complex and sacred fantasies, try to communicate as completely as possible what you are looking for. This is difficult as we are socialized in a sex negative (and certainly s/m negative) culture which gives us neither a language nor permission to speak about our deep sexual desires. Keep in mind that the clearer a picture you can give a Dominatrix about who you are the better chance you have of finding a perfect fit.

DO be prompt. Always presume she is just as busy, if not more so, than yourself. Her otherworldly lifestyle is probably quite complex and involved. Be on time with both your confirmation and your appointment. If you are going to be delayed or need to postpone, let her know a.s.a.p., even if she is disappointed she will appreciate your call.

DO write down the directions to her play-space. It is also a good idea to repeat them back to her. She does not want to have you knocking on her neighbor’s doors by mistake.

DO be discrete in her neighborhood. Don’t show up at her door in full drag unless you have already okayed it with her. She may live where she works and her neighbors may not be too keen to have her business shoved in their faces. It very well may endanger her livelihood.

DO show up in good condition. Have some Gatorade and a light meal before your scene (especially if you are doing bondage). Do not drink alcohol or do drugs as neither mix well with safe s/m.

DO tell her about any physical or emotional limitations you might have. Contacts, hemorrhoids, bad back, bad knees, asthma, epilepsy, heart conditions, recent injuries or illnesses are all things she needs to know.

DO be respectful of her equipment. S/M equipment and fetish gear is very costly, undoubtedly it took her a long time and a lot of finance to accumulate. If you do accidentally break something be prepared to replace it.

DO make sure you have a negotiated upon safeword. Also make sure that she is prepared to respect it and that you are prepared to use it. A safeword is sometimes your only responsibility in a scene, use it to communicate when you have reached a limit. DON’T expect fantasy and reality to be the same. They rarely are. Open yourself up to a new and wonderful experience. Enjoy the unexpected.

DON’T get caught up in your cock. Realize that the beauty of S/M is that it moves on many levels and in many directions, it effects your intellect, your entire body, your heart, your imagination, your psychology and is truly multidimensional, don’t limit it’s magic.

DO let go and trust and let HER be in charge. This is your opportunity to let go of all the roles you maintain in the “real” world and let someone else run the show. This is like going on a rollercoaster, you just have to loosen up and allow your mind and body to get taken in all sorts of directions for a set period of time. Your external responsibilities are lifted, you get to interact in very sacred and profound ways, explore new and hidden parts of yourself. It is useless and disrespectful to try to manipulate her.

DO thank her after your scene. Tell her specifically why you are thanking her, how enjoyable it was for you and what you really liked. Let this be a time of closure where you give back to her your appreciation and gratitude for all the energy and attention she gave you during your time together.